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Author: Casca
Title: And the Rain Pours Down
Classification: Carter/Lucy friendship/angst
Spoilers: Be Still My Heart/All in the Family/
Feedback: Yes, please!! Casccara@yahoo.com
Archive: Not without permission from moi! J
Time Frame: A rewrite of The Greatest of Gifts, however the time frame is NOT at Christmas time, it’s around September, a month after Carter returns from rehab. I strongly suggest you read the first few parts of my series, located at my fanfic archive Between the Lines.
He saw them sitting on the cabinet,
amidst all the other bottles and supplies.
The name stood out, the words, the letters, “Vicaden.” There they were, sitting right in front of
him, right in his view, right in his reach.
All he had to do was open the bottle and put two in his mouth. They were right there, so he did it. With people screaming his name for help,
questions being thrown at him, Carter grabbed the bottle and shoved two pills
in his mouth, swallowing quickly.
“Boarding Flight 347 to Boston,
rows thirty-two through one.”
“That’s me,” Barbara Knight said, standing up and sliding her purse over her shoulder.
Lucy stood and handed her mother the plane ticket. “Here you go.”
The two women stood staring at each other, their identical blues eyes welling with tears.
“This is it,” Barbara said, pulling her daughter close to her.
“It’s not “it” Mom, I’ll see you soon.”
“Of course you will. Thanksgiving will be here before we know it,” Barbara said on a sob.
“No, it won’t,” Lucy choked, torn between laughter and tears. “It’s four months away.”
“It’ll go by quickly. Honey, if you’re not sure-“
“Mom, this is hardly the time for me to change my mind.”
“If you did, I’d stay in a heartbeat.”
“No. Come on, we both need to get back to our lives. You’ve left your practice long enough. I’m going to get a little part time job until I go back to school.”
“I wish you’d come home with me.”
“I want to stay here, Mom. It’s my home.”
“Home is where family is.”
Lucy hugged her mother tightly. “Not always.”
“There is nothing for you here. Not until you go back to school.”
“I’m not going into this again. You gotta go, Mom.”
“I’m sorry. I love you, angel. I’ll call you when I get home.”
“Okay.” She watched her mom walk through the door that lead to the plane.
Lucy sighed. As she walked through O’Hare airport, she allowed herself a few tears. It wasn’t everyday you parted from your mother for a few months at a time. How could she explain to her mother that she felt as though she were meant to be in Chicago? That from the minute she’d gotten here a few years ago, Lucy had called this city home? Lucy couldn’t even explain it to herself. It was odd how she felt completely at home here after everything that had happened. One would think Chicago was the last place she would want to stay after the attack.
Lucy slid into the cab, wincing slightly at the brief, sharp pains she still suffered from her injuries. She hardly ever had pain anymore, just those quick little reminders that she’d been a victim and that she still wasn’t normal. Sometimes it seemed to her that just when she was beginning to forget about what had happened, something or someone out there had to make sure she didn’t forget. These were her dismal thoughts during the thirty minute cab ride into downtown.
After paying an obscene amount of money to the cab driver, Lucy swore that she would walk or take a bus anywhere she needed to go from now on. After all, she couldn’t have a free ride from her mother forever. She needed to take some responsibility for herself now. Although she wasn’t quite ready to return to the hospital yet, (and secretly feared she never would be) Lucy decided that she couldn’t possibly sit around the house all day doing nothing except reflect on the attack. She needed to get a part time job somewhere for the months that she would be taking off school.
Standing outside her building on Michigan ave, Lucy watched the busy traffic go by as she thought to herself. She glanced up at the tall building where she lived then across the street at the tall building that was one of the best malls in Chicago. The prospect of shopping at Water Tower Place verses the prospect of going upstairs and watching too many reruns on TV won out. Changing her pace, she ran across the street and into the swinging glass doors of the seven floor mall. The minute she stepped inside and looked up at the seven floors of her favorite stores, she knew why she liked to call Chicago home.
She started in Marshall Fields, her new home away from home. And two hours later she was back in Fields, struggling with packages after conquering the entire mall. She was thoroughly discussing skin therapy and eye shadow colors with the makeup artist at the MAC counter. “I’ll take all of that, then,” Lucy said, feeling only slightly guilty as she handed the girl her credit card. After all, she would be getting a job soon and would be able to pay the bill instead of sending it to her mother like Barbara had insisted she do.
“Okay, we’re out of the Electra eye shadow and the Very Pink lip gloss. Did you want me to call Oak Street and see if they have them?”
“Uh, sure,” Lucy said, thinking if she had enough time to grab a bus over to Oak St. Then she smiled ironically. Of course she had time, it wasn’t as if she had plans or anything. Then she caught herself. Actually, yes, she did have plans tonight. She and Carter were attending an AA meeting together after he got off work at ten pm. It wasn’t exactly the kind of plans a girl brags about, but at least they were hers.
“They’re on hold for you at Oak Street,” the girl said as Lucy signed her name to the receipt.
“Thank you,” Lucy said and added the small bag of cosmetics to her other packages.
An hour later, Lucy was seated in the MAC store on the elusive Oak Street filling out an application for a job. She’d been talked into getting a full makeover by one of the artists who claimed her eyes were “screaming to be made up,” and before she knew it, she was best friends with the manager who happened to be about Lucy’s own age.
“So this is just a formality really,” the woman said, snapping her gum. “I’ll give you a call tomorrow to let you know when you start.”
“Gosh, I can’t thank you enough, Vanessa,” Lucy said, handing her the application. “And you understand that when school comes around again-“
“Honey, I told you don’t worry about it! We’ll deal with that when the time comes.”
“Well, thanks again. Bye,” Lucy said, as she walked out of the store, her eyes dark and dramatic, her lips vivid and gleaming. Since she had dropped all her packages off at home after leaving Water Tower Place, she decided to walk home instead of taking the bus. The city was busy and rushing at five o’clock in the afternoon and she felt like walking with the rest of them.
The thunder and lightning started after about four blocks. Lucy had just looked up at the graying sky when she felt a huge drop of rain splatter on her cheek. She wiped it off and found her fingers wet and stained with face makeup. “Oh, no,” she groaned. No wonder her scars had been hurting her today; rainy weather usually made them twinge. More drops fell and before the city knew it, rain began pouring down. They’re was a rush of opening umbrella’s (of which Lucy didn’t have) and people running for cabs (with whom Lucy joined).
“Please!!” she yelled at the cabby who stopped four feet ahead of her and a business man with an umbrella got in it. “That was mine!” she yelled at him, her hair now plastered to her head, her clothing soaked through. After running for blocks trying to get a cab, Lucy realized she was only a block and a half away from home so she made her way there, walking slowly now in the heavy rain.
She walked into the lobby of her ritzy building and ignored the disgusted looks from the all ritzy people at her drenched appearance. “Five,” she muttered to elevator man without looking at him.
She walked into her apartment, slammed the door and dropped her keys, purse and bags on the floor. Well, today had been wonderful. She’d seen her mom off at the airport, tried to cheer herself up by shopping, and wound up right where she’d been when she’d walked out of the airport: wondering why she’d stayed in Chicago alone, without anyone in the world. She stared at her face in the mirror. The cheeks that had been radiant a while ago, were smeared two inches thick with running black mascara.
A little while later, Lucy settled down enough to clean her face and changed her wet clothes. The downpour had gotten worse and was now coming down in sheets. She’d always loved curling up with a good book or snuggling under the covers while the rain poured down outside. Today she wasn’t much in the mood for the gray weather because her mood was even more gray than the sky outside.
As if her dreary mood wasn’t enough, she had to attend AA tonight. Dozens of excuses poured through her mind, things that she could tell Carter to get out of going. But the guilt overwhelmed her when she thought of how tentatively he’d asked her to go.
She and Carter had established a comfortable friendship over the last few weeks. She saw him about every other day even if it was just for an hour or so to attend a meeting. It had actually helped her being his sponsor for AA. It gave her something to focus on and devote herself to. And because she enjoyed Carter’s company sometimes it wasn’t like a job. More like . . . a friendship. Lucy was happy to admit that she and Carter were good friends now, something she had always deemed an impossible feat and she knew Carter had felt the same. But that was before . . . before either of them had ever heard the name Paul Sebricki.
Funny how things change, she mused and opened the fridge to see what there was to eat. She stopped short when she heard the pounding at the door. Shaking her head, she slammed the refrigerator door and sighed angrily at her stupidity. It wasn’t pounding, it was knocking. Sudden noises always sounded so much louder than they actually were.
But who in the world could it be, and in the pouring rain? The only visitor she ever got was Carter and he was at work. She rung her hands through her damp hair and took a step into the living room, wondering when she was ever going to stop picturing Paul Sebricki’s face when someone knocked at the door. “Who is it?” she called out.
“It’s me. It’s John,” came an irritated voice.
“Carter?” she asked incredulously. She went over to open the door. “What are you doing here, aren’t you supposed to be- Oh, God get in here.” When Lucy saw him standing at the door with a big frown on his face, his entire body dripping wet, she grabbed his arm and dragged him inside.
“Take off that wet jacket,” she scolded, running into the bathroom and grabbing a towel. When she returned and saw that he hadn’t moved, even to take off his jacket she marched over to him. “What the matter, will you get out of that jacket? Don’t worry about getting water all over, here-“ she started to help him out of his jacket when he spoke.
“I took two Vicaden.”
Lucy’s eyes snapped to his. His brown eyes looked shocked, tortured and horror-struck. “What?”
“I took two Vicaden.”
Her own eyes went from shocked to tortured to horror-struck.
“What am I going to do?” he asked, imploring her. “What the hell am I gonna do?”
Her mind reeled. “First, tell me what happened. Where did you get them?”
He laughed, a horrible sound. “The hospital, where else? A patient had a whole prescription. I-I-I didn’t know what I was doing, I didn’t even think about it, it’s not like I even had a craving, I just saw them and took them.”
“What did you do? Did you tell Weaver?”
“No. God, no I can’t, I’ll lose my license.”
The fear in his eyes told Lucy she had to be the calm one. “Wait. Just wait a second. Take off that jacket and sit down here.”
He yanked off his jacket and gave it to her. She threw it out in the hall to dry off and went over to join him on the sofa.
“I knew I couldn’t do it. I knew I would screw up eventually. God.” Carter dragged his hands through his wet hair and gripped.
“Take it easy. Start from the beginning.”
He told her the whole grisly tale. “The minute I swallowed them, I regretted it. I ran to the bathroom and forced myself to throw them up. Then I told Dr.Greene I was sick and had to leave. Fortunately he didn’t give me too much of a hard time.”
“You threw them up?”
Carter reached into his shirt pocket and took them out to show her. “I didn’t know what to do with them, I
just . . .” he drifted off and stared at the pills.
Lucy spoke. “Flush them.”
He looked at her.
“Come on,” she said standing up. “Let’s go.”
He followed her into the bathroom and they both stood on either side of the toilet. “Go ahead,” she told him, half supportively, half sternly.
He tossed them in and flushed. Then he looked at her, his eyes still worried. “There. Now what?”
“Now we go to a meeting.”
He nodded slowly, keeping eye contact with her. “Do I have to tell Weaver?”
She sighed and walked passed him out of the bathroom. “I don’t know. I have to think about this.”
“Does it count if I threw them up?” he asked, pacing her living room.
“I don’t know. I’m out of my league here, Carter. We have to go to a meeting. There’s one in Oak Park every hour on the hour, that’s our safest bet. Let’s go.”
“Lucy,” he took her arm to stop her. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome,” she said nodding. “Come on.”
Lucy linked her fingers with his and they walked to the elevator and stepped inside.