Author: Casca  Casccara@yahoo.com

Title:  The Days That Followed

Classification: Carter/Lucy agnst/friendship

Spoilers: Yes, “Be Still My Heart,” “All in the Family”

Feedback: Yes, please!!

Rating: PG-13

Archive:  Not without permission from moi!

Disclaimer

 

 

February 15^th, 3:02 am

           

“Is she dead?” came the voice of John Carter.  The voice was hoarse, as he hadn’t spoken at all for hours.  It was tired, as his body had just been through a physical war.  Eight hours ago, he’d been at a Valentines Day party in the ER.  Now he was lying in a hospital bed after being brutally attacked and stabbed.  His usual sparkling brown eyes were now flat and expressionless as if a window had been closed over them.  His back felt as though it were being stabbed over and over again.  And despite the severity of his physical pain, Carter felt absolutely numb.

He stared at Dr. Benton and obeyed when commanded to lift his leg.  Carter closed his eyes against the slicing pain that shot through his body.  He barely heard Dr. Benton’s comments.  Silence fell upon them.

Carter said it again.  “Lucy’s dead, isn’t she?”  Suddenly he knew that whatever the answer was, he wouldn’t be able to feel good or bad.  He wasn’t sure he’d be able to feel anything.  Ever.

Benton looked away.  “No.  She’s alive.”

Carter glanced up, realizing that he’d been wrong about not feeling anything.  The emotions that raced through him nearly left him breathless.  “Alive?”

Benton nodded, unable to meet Carter’s eyes.  “She’s alive.”  But Benton could feel Carter staring at him and when he looked at him and saw the hope in his eyes, his heart almost broke. 

“Tell me.”

Very quietly, very slowly, Benton told Carter exactly what Lucy’s condition was.  He didn’t leave anything out because he knew he couldn’t protect Carter from the truth.  And as he spoke of the location of Lucy’s stab wounds, the procedures that had been done to her, and what needed to be done to keep her alive, Benton watched the light that had come into Carter’s eyes slowly die.

Carter didn’t feel the tears that came into his eyes, didn’t feel the pain in his tightly clenched jaw or even the pain that was currently stabbing him in the back.  He turned his head and stared at nothing, trying to get his mind around what he’d just heard.  Trying to come to terms with the fact that even though Lucy was alive right now, the chance of her surviving was slim, if there even was a chance.

“It’s not your fault, man.”

Carter said nothing. 

“Come on, Carter, you can’t blame yourself.  If you did, you’d have to blame everybody.”

When Carter continued to say nothing, Benton told him to get some sleep and that he’d be back in the morning.

Random thoughts drifted in and out of Carter’s head as he lay awake for nearly the entire night.  He remembered walking into the darkened room completely oblivious that Lucy lay dying at his feet.  He remembered laying on the floor hoping the door would open and someone would walk in.  He remembered yelling at Lucy all day about Paul Sebricki.  He remembered holding the son of a bitch while Lucy performed a spinal tap. 

Voices drifted in and out of his head as well.  Lucy’s hopeless voice was moaning during the spinal tap—“I can’t!”  Paul Sebricki’s voice was screaming in pain.  “Don’t stick me, don’t stick me!”  He heard Dr. Benton telling him to focus, to keep his eyes open. 

As he started to get sleepy, he thought of other things, things that didn’t even relate to the tragedy.  His Gamma making him soup after high school every day . . . playing a game with a cancer patient on his graduation night . . . becoming a resident . . .  

He heard music, too, a song that carved itself into his memory, a loud, maddening song that blared in his head even after he fell into a restless, fitful sleep.

 

~*~*~*~

 

Barbara Knight slammed the cab door and raced across the busy Chicago street, one hand gripping her purse, the other hand grasping the duffel bag she’d fleetingly packed back at home.  She’d dashed around her house like a maniac, packing the bag, calling her own parents, and trying not lose it after receiving a phone call that was every parents’ worst fear.

Her daughter, her baby, lay in a hospital after being attacked.

Her mind clicked off at the thought.  She just had to get there.  She had to get to her daughter.

She entered the ER looking like a wild woman.  After looking frantically around, she found the front desk and ran to it as if it were her salvation.

Kerry, Mark, Randi, Dave, and Malik looked up as Barbara Knight came to a halt at the desk.  Her tear streaked face and red eyes pleaded with them

“My daughter,” she choked.  “My daughter is Lucy Knight.  Please . . .”

“Come with me, Ms Knight,” Kerry said quickly, and came from behind the desk.  She put an arm around Barbara’s shoulders and lead her into the elevator.  The elevator doors opened on the ICU floor and they found themselves face to face with Elizabeth Corday.

After they had revived Lucy, Lizzie and Dr. Romano had repaired the blood clot and Pulmonary Embolism without any big complications.  It had been quite odd, but when Lucy’s heart had started beating again, it seemed her body had fought as hard as it could to stay alive.

“Elizabeth, this is Ms Knight, Lucy’s mom,” Kerry said softly.

Elizabeth reached out to take Barbara’s hand.  “Of course.  My God, I am so sorry.”

“Elizabeth helped to revive Lucy in surgery,” Kerry told her.

Tears filled Barbara’s eyes.  “Thank you,” she whispered.  “Please, tell me what’s going on.  What are her . . . injuries?”

 “She’s doing well, I’m please to say, as well as can be expected.  However, her injuries are severe and it will be a long road to recovery.  She’s in a comatose state right now so we’ll know more when she awakens.” Elizabeth made sure to say “when” and not “if.”  “I must tell you that there is a possibility, if more complications arise, that her life may be in danger again.  The odds . . . well, lets just say that the odds are not very good, statistically.”

Barbara’s hand flew to her mouth.

“But the worst is over, and she got through the worst.  She’s strong and stubborn, to be quite honest.  Lucy will get through this.  I promised her that I would get her through this.  And I will do everything in my power to keep that promise.  I swear.”

All three women had tears in their eyes by then as Lizzie found herself being hugged by Lucy’s mom. 

“The next twenty-four hours are critical.  If she can get through them, the odds will be more in her favor.  Come on,” Lizzie said.  “I’ll take you to her.”

Barbara nodded, and struggled with her things to wipe her eyes.  Kerry offered to take her bags for her and Lizzie lead her into the ICU.

When she saw her daughter laying in the bed, Barbara Knight almost lost it, but she held on for Lucy’s sake.  She bent down to press a kiss to Lucy’s forehead and sat in the chair that Lizzie pulled up for her.  A nurse came in to announce that visiting hours were over.  When Barbara looked up in panic, Lizzie told the nurse not to disturb Miss. Knight for the rest of the night. 

So she stayed all night long, stroking her daughter’s hair and whispering soft nothings to her.  The last thing Barbara Knight said to her daughter was that she needed to wake up.  After that, she slipped into an uncomfortable sleep in the hospital chair.

 

 

~*~*~*~

 

The next few days were some of the toughest days in Carter’s life.  The physical therapy began as soon as the swelling had gone down and Carter was finding it more difficult than he’d ever imagined.  The physical pain was horrible, but the emotional strain left him shattered.  Carter thought of nothing but the attack and the events that had preceded it.

He had encouragement.  Most of his friends from the ER came up to see him daily.  Deb came up two to three times a day, as did Dr. Benton.  Dr. Weaver often brought him some of her home cooking, which he’d admitted to her that he missed more than anything.  He hadn’t thought much about it, but his little basement apartment was like home to him.  And he wished he was there.

He hadn’t gone to see Lucy.  The afternoon after the attack, Lucy had woken up from her coma.  Carter had found out that she was awake from Deb.  Deb had burst into his room and told him everything in an excited voice.  Lucy had woken, her vitals were good.  After the initial shock, quiet relief took over him. 

“John?” Deb had persisted in trying to get him to voice how he felt, but Carter didn’t know how to talk about the feelings that were going on inside him.  He had thought that Lucy would die and that her death would be his fault.  But now that she was alive, it didn’t take the blame off of him.  He was still responsible for the fact that she would have to endure months, even years of recovery.  Would she blame herself?  Would she blame him?  And if she did, would she ever be able to forgive him?

 

~*~*~*~

 

Lucy Knight opened her eyes slowly and tried to focus on the room she was lying in.  As she did every time she awoke, she tried to move her body more than she’d done the last time.  Lucy didn’t usually have much luck at this.  It took all her energy to lift her arm or even shift her back.  Her mother was usually right there to ask her if she needed anything, if she wanted the pillow adjusted or the blankets arranged.  This time, she focused on her legs.  She bent her right leg at the knee and started to draw it up. She could hear her knee joints cracking and suddenly, her abdomen was filled with such a severe pain that she cried out softly and let her leg straiten out.  She blinked away the tears of frustration and closed her eyes against the pain. 

“Honey- what’s wrong.”  Lucy’s mother rushed into the room, placing a Styrofoam cup of coffee on the night stand and bent over her daughter.  “What is it?”

“Nothing,” she sniffed and pressed her face into the pillow.  “I just can’t move that’s all.”

“It’ll get better.  You just have to take it easy and try not to move so much. At least that was what Dr. Corday said.”

“I know,” she whispered flatly and stared at the nightstand.  She couldn’t feel angry with herself any longer about what had happened.  She couldn’t feel guilty anymore, she just couldn’t.  But it had been her fault, the whole thing.  She wondered if Carter would be able to forgive her. She wondered if she would be able to forgive herself.   When fatigue prevented her from thinking anymore, she turned her head to snuggle into the pillow.  “I’m so tired, Mom.  Always so tired . . .” she drifted off to sleep.

Barbara Knight sighed and rubbed her knuckles over her daughters cheek.  “I know, honey.” 

 

~*~*~*~

“Your mother and father send their love,” Gamma told Carter quietly and tried not to wince at the look her gave her.  Millicent Carter was almost as hurt as her grandson that her son and daughter-in-law wouldn’t come home to their wounded son.  “They didn’t do it to hurt you.  You know how your mother is.”

“Yeah,” Carter said numbly.  “Whatever.  How is everything back at the house?”

Carter was sitting in his wheel chair while Millicent paced back and forth in the room.  He wanted to tell her she was making him nervous, but decided to let it go.  After all, this was the first time he’d talked to her in months after her little temper tantrum about cutting him off from the family fortune.   

“Fine, fine.  Any news on the condition of your friend?”

The guilt was there and her name hadn’t even been mentioned.  “Lucy’s doing well.  Her condition gets better every day so-“
            “I know all that, I asked the nurse.  I want to know how she’s doing.  Is she handling everything okay, poor child?”

Carter glanced at the window.  “Uh, I’m not sure.”

Millicent narrowed her eyes, noting that John was looking everywhere except at her.  “Well, why not?  How are her spirits?”

“I don’t know.  I haven’t gone to see her.”

Millicent was taken aback.  “What? Well, why not? I thought you said you were friends with her, why haven’t you-“

“Because,” he interrupted angrily.  “Do I need a reason?  I just don’t want to see her right now.”

Millicent Carter stared.  Surely this wasn’t her grandson, the kind, compassionate boy she’d raised.  That young man who had always wanted to comfort and help people.  She studied his face which was clearly fighting to conceal the emotions he felt. 

“Why don’t you want to see her?” she asked gently.

Carter shook his head.  “I can’t.  What if . . . She may blame me for all of this-“

“Absurd.”

“It’s the truth.  Most of this could have been prevented, I’m partially to blame-“

“You’re to blame for a psychopathic murderer-“

“No.  But he was under my care. Mine and Lucy’s.  I left her alone to deal with him and he nearly killed her.”

“He nearly killed you, too,” came Millicent’s sharp voice. 

Carter laughed a bitter laugh.  “Yeah.  Do know how it happened, Gamma?  Why it happened?  I was looking for her to yell at her.  I was looking for Lucy to tell her she was doing the wrong thing.  Only the thing is, I didn’t need to find her to tell her that.  I’d told her that all day.”

Millicent narrowed her eyes at the guilt that she heard in his voice and saw in his tortured eyes.  Loyalty to her grandson came through with a vengeance and Lucy Knight slipped a notch on her list.  If the girl was a med student, she should have known when a patient was dangerous or not. 

Millicent walked over to her grandson and hugged him.  “I’m going to go get a cup of tea from the cafeteria.  Get some rest.”

Carter nearly rolled his eyes at everyone’s favorite phrase to tell him just before they left him. Get some rest.  Wasn’t he getting enough rest for everyone?

Millicent strode out of the room, angry at the fact that her grandson blamed himself for this tragedy.  As if he didn’t have enough on his mind with the physical therapy and the absence of his parents.  Fury filled her as she pictured John going back to his room after a grueling physical therapy session and not being able to relax because of the guilt her felt for this girl.  No friend should have that kind of hold on him. Or-  She stopped.  Was it possible that her grandson had feelings for this girl?  Well, she could care less if he had feelings for her or not.

“The room of Lucy Knight, please,” she asked the nurse at the desk.

“Miss Knight’s been moved to ICU again.  Third floor down the north corridor.”

ICU?  Millicent tried not to look so startled.  Had her condition gotten worse?  Millicent’s main concern was her grandson, of course, and if Lucy’s condition had gotten worse, it would affect him.

“Lucy Knight, please?” she asked again at the Intensive Care Unit. 

“Down the hall, fifth curtain on the right.  She was just moved here from recovery due to a high fever.  Five minute visits only, please.”

Millicent walked down the hall, thinking that she would stay as long as she needed to in order for her to get an acute opinion of the girl who was the cause of such guilt for her grandson.

Millicent Carter entered the room swiftly and what she saw made her hesitate, something she rarely did.  The girl was tiny and from a distance looked like a child.  As she approached, she saw a tired but pretty face streaked with dry tears laying against the stark white pillow with her eyes closed.  There were bandages all up and down her neck and chest where the loose nightgown didn’t cover.  There were slight bruises on her face along with broken blood vessels contrasting deeply with her pale, pale skin.  She had an IV in her arm and tubes in her nose. Millicent watched the girl open her eyes.

Sensing someone in the room, Lucy opened her eyes and tried to lift her pounding head.  She immediately put her head back down on the pillow and closed her eyes against the headache the fever had given her.  She sighed and tried to focus her aching eyes on her visitor.

“Hello,” Millicent said.  “I’m Millicent Carter.”  She saw Lucy’s tired blue eyes flicker recognition.  So she knew about her.

Lucy tried to smile.  “Hello.  It’s nice to meet you,” she whispered and had to swallow.  Her throat was still very sore.

Millicent searched for words.  “I- I’ve just been to see my grandson.  He spoke of you.”  She watched Lucy closely at this and what she saw in the girl’s bright blue eyes were naked emotions.  There was pain and concern and . . . was that guilt, also? 

“They told me about his condition,” Lucy whispered and paused.  It seemed she could talk much without pausing to take a breath and swallow.  “How is he doing?”

The word “fine” popped into Millicent’s head.  It wasn’t completely true, but in comparison to Lucy’s condition, Carter was most certainly doing fine. He was doing great, in fact.  Millicent didn’t voice these opinions, she simply gave Lucy a brief rundown of what she knew. 

“I’m glad he’s doing well,” Lucy said, trying to smile again.

“Yes, so am I.” Millicent looked at Lucy closely. “And how are you doing?”

“Eh . . . as soon as I shake this fever, I’ll be good as new,” she joked on a shaky breath, trying to keep her eyes open against the sudden bout of exhaustion.

Any anger that had been left over after Millicent had seen Lucy’s eyes when asked about John, vanished.  She found herself sitting down in the chair next to Lucy’s bed and covering the girl’s hand with one of her own.  “He’s very worried about you.  He’s very concerned.”

Lucy gave in and closed her eyes.  When she opened them, she looked into Millicent’s and implored her.  “He isn’t . . . angry with me?”

“Heaven’s no,” Millicent said quickly.  “Why would he be-“  She broke off, admitting something she rarely admitted to herself—she’d been wrong.  She fixed Lucy with a stern stare, not very different from the look she’d given her grandson a few minutes ago. “Do not blame yourself.  That will not get you anywhere, least of all recovered.  You have far better things to think about and far better things to focus your energy on. Blaming yourself will not do anything for your health or for your life.  Trust me.”

Lucy tried to nod.  The truth was that she was more than choked up by what Millicent Carter was telling her.  This woman had every right to blame Lucy for Carter getting hurt and here she was, giving her advice.  “Thank you,” she whispered. 

Millicent inclined her head.  “You’re weary.  Get some rest, my dear.”  Millicent stood still before removing her hand from Lucy’s. 

Unlike Carter, Lucy loved to hear someone tell her to get some rest.  God knew she needed it.  Her eyes closed as Millicent squeezed Lucy’s hand gently. 

“Sleep well.”

Millicent Carter walked out of the Intensive Care Unit with a good deal to think about. 

 

To Be Continued  . . .

Other fanfic by Casca at: 

Between the Lines - A Fanfic Archive

 

 

Feedback is welcome!

Casccara@yahoo.com